Volunteers, Not Taxes
RICHMOND, Virginia — Robert F. McDonnell was inaugurated today as the 71st governor of the Commonwealth of Virginia here today. He subsequently called on citizens to help him reorganize the state as a “commonwealth of tax-free opportunity,” promising a government so reduced as to not be noticed by anyone, anymore.
Governor McDonnell declared that Virginia and Virginians must create opportunity where absent without funding. If opportunities are limited, he explained, citizens must expand them for all without funding of any sort.
Volunteers, Not Government, The Solution
The new Governor and Commonwealth legislators must close a projected $4.2 billion shortfall in the 2010-12 budget. McDonnell admitted that these are tough economic times, but the Commonwealth can overcome them through volunteerism shared by all citizens. Especially state government agencies and their staffs.
“…people tell me they fear that America may no longer be the land of opportunity it has always been and that Virginia’s history in playing a leading role in the life of our nation may be just that—history…They are wrong.”
McDonnell, during his gubernatorial campaign, promised to create new jobs in the Commonwealth. Delivering on his promise, the new Governor created the first such job by hiring new Lt. Gov. Bill Bolling as the unpaid Cabinet-level jobs creation officer. Lt. Gov. Bolling, McDonnell said, had volunteered for this position. “Bill is demonstrating true leadership by example here,” McDonnell beamed.
Others noted that this is the first active assignment Bolling has undertaken in over eight years of government service.
Gov. McDonnell declared that he will immediately conduct a prayer vigil—for as long as it takes—asking Providence for more new jobs and the establishment of new companies in the Commonwealth. Afterwards, newly sworn-in attorney general Bob Cuccinelli promised to vigorously prosecute all who fail to participate in prayer.
Leaner, Volunteer, Government
McDonnell also created a Governor’s Commission on Government Reform and Restructuring. He believes that, by doing so, his administration can correct the inefficiencies and waste of taxpayer dollars that occurred during his predecessor’s term, an administration which cut billions from the state budget to cope with the current economic depression. McDonnell wants his new, unpaid, voluntarily-staffed Commission to identify more ways to privatize government operations, such as the economies of scale realized by the current Information Technology partnership between Virginia and a major corporate contractor.
“Without reform, the continued growth of government threatens our very prosperity.”
McDonnell told the 8,000 assembled that state government has to find ways to continue current service levels while cutting taxes and eliminating billions more from the budget. He pledged to be as innovative as possible by privatizing most services to non-profit, volunteer groups.
McDonnell pointed out that, by doing this, state government will greatly increase the opportunity of all Virginians to become voluntary stewards of state programs and projects.
McDonnell, a 55-year-old lawyer, urged the crowd to involve themselves in volunteer activities, including sending donations to Haiti.
“I urge business owners to look for opportunities to sponsor a Little League team, help a charity and promote corporate responsibility in the communities in which you live and work…I urge all the leaders of our faith communities to expand your selfless work of helping the homeless, feeding the poor and comforting the broken-hearted…No government program can possibly substitute for the incredible good done through voluntary actions performed freely by caring individuals every day.”
Fix Transportation Without Taxes
McDonnell said he plans to solve the problem of transportation in the Commonwealth by:
- Drilling for oil off the coast
- Expanding natural gas and coal industries
- Increasingly use alternative energy sources
Eschewing taxes to support the Department of Transportation, McDonnell claimed that he will solve the department’s financial woes by:
- Adding tolls on Interstates 85 and 95 at the North Carolina state line
- Expanding the use of public-private partnerships to build new roads and improve existing roads
- Institute congestion pricing fees throughout the Commonwealth
“Fees such as these are not taxes,” McDonnell reminded those attending. He pointed out that:
A better transportation system will create new opportunities for Virginians across the state.
Education Provided More Cheaply
The new Governor built upon themes of states rights and fiscal responsibility by asserting that Virginia will seek increased funding from the federal Department of Education to support local school systems. Additionally, his administration will look to shift the responsibility of paying for public education by making education less public through the expansion of charter schools throughout the Commonwealth.
One way to improve education, McDonnell claimed, is to establish “performance pay” for high-performing teachers. Presumably, those who do not perform highly will see their salaries cut, since there will be no new, or increased, taxes during McDonnell’s term.
The new Governor pointed out that Virginia’s schools must expand college-preparatory classes as well as increase the emphasis on mathematics and the sciences while receiving much less in state financial support.
“No child in Virginia should have her future determined by her place of birth or ZIP code.”
McDonnell will outline his program in more detail in a State of the Commonwealth message to the General Assembly on Sunday evening, January 17.
Addenda
- Governor McDonnell took the oath on a Latin Vulgate Bible that was presented to his great-grandparents in Ireland on their wedding day in 1876.
- Justice Barbara Keenan of the Virginia Supreme Court administered the 40-word oath of office.
- Before he spoke, McDonnell received a 19-gun salute by howitzers placed at the south end of Capitol Square as four F-22 Raptor jets conducted an unusually noisy flyover, all at no cost to the Commonwealth and its citizens.
- Subscriptions are sought for the $240,000 cost of the grandstand, morning suits for legislators, invitations and so forth. Pennies collected from schoolchildren paid for the cannonade; the Air National Guard pilots, who volunteered their time, “borrowed” the Raptors from an active-duty Air Force wing. (An investigation of this incident at Langley AFB has been opened.)
- Seven of Virginia’s eight living former governors were on hand to witness the inauguration. The other called in “sick.”
Caution! This is a political parody. If you don’t like humor, don’t read it. Oops; too late! Sorry!!