Obama Presidency Fails!
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Barack Obama’s administration of the US government has been declared an “abject failure” by at least 4,253.25 remaining members of the Morning in America Coalition of Frustrated Neoconservatives. “Even though he’s a known Socialist,” explained Mr. Nab E. Gumbo, a spokesperson for this little-known group, “we bought into Obama’s message of hope. Hope for economic recovery and the rightful reassertion of America’s leadership in the world at large!” The group listed the reasons for their contentiousness as:
The Economy
Mr. Gumbo pointed out that: “…the people of this country awakened on this, the second full day of the Obama administration, and have realized that the economy is in worse shape than when that man took office!” It is true, for instance, that Microsoft, claiming that new PCs are too “soft” (or something like that), announced the immediate firing of 5,000 employees. “Well, there goes Redmond,” sighed Carl Rhood, another Coalition member.
TARP & Economic Stimulus
According to the Coalition, the Democrats, at Obama’s direction, set up the $700 billion Troubled Assets Relief Program. “Why, that’s nothing less than corporate welfare!” declared Mr. Sane Hankity. Hankity went on, decrying the announced $800 billion stimulus program desired by the Obama administration as “Socialism, pure and simple!” The Coalition is unanimous, apparently, in its position that no true Republican would ever support either program. Mr. Gumbo claimed that, in fact, these programs will destroy small businesses as well as the federal treasury.
The Mideast
The Reverend J. Impish pointed out that the Mideast crisis has not been settled, either. “Why,” he cried, “the great battle of Armageddon hasn’t been planned, yet!” Israel has not eliminated either Hamas or Hezbollah, and those “silly” Palestinians are still creating problems in the West Bank for Israelis. “After all,” another Coalition member declared, “the only thing those innocent settlers want is to take over more land! Isn’t that their right, according to scripture?”
Several Coalition members, whose vision is more limited, claimed that neither the “troubles” in Iraq nor Afghanistan have been resolved. “How much more time does this administration need to do what’s right?” Mr. Gumbo demanded. When asked what he meant by that, he merely replied: “Git ’er done; that’s all the President needs to do. Just, git ’er done!” he responded.
New Era of Responsibility
Mr. Hankity pointed out that the so-called New Era of Responsibility is a failure, too. “After all,” he said, “there’s this, like, litany of failures, and has Obama taken responsibility for them? No, absolutely not.” William (Bill) O. Royalty declared that, since there is at least one “Islamofacist” who is, undoubtedly, thinking of committing an act of terror against the US, then “isn’t that end of the Obama Presidency?” Since the new President has set in motion the closure of the Guantanamo Bay prison camp for such “Islamofacists” and has set aside use of “hard” interrogation techniques (like torture, for instance), then any evidence of terrorist plans against this country should spell the automatic end of the administration for its failure to protect us against such threats. “Oh, and there is plenty of evidence, I assure you!” he added for emphasis.
Other Failures
The list of additional failures of the Obama administration includes, apparently:
- Congressional Relations—Not a single administration program has yet been enacted through legislation, even though the Congress is decidedly Democratic (and Socialist)
- Incomplete Cabinet—The administration has not succeeded, despite the amount of time it has had, in getting all Cabinet appointees approved by the (Democrat-controlled, Socialist) Senate
- Education—While the Coalition really believes, and hopes, that the Department of Education will be abolished as a wasteful example of federal bureaucracy, they point out that no major education reforms have occurred
- The Budget—The administration has yet to present to the (Democrat-led, Socialist) Congress a federal budget
- Energy—The cost of fuel is climbing and the administration has not opened any new, off-shore, oil fields that could instantly relieve the economy by lowering transportation costs
- Retail Collapse—No action hs been taken to decisively reduce the demise of large retail outlets and firms, driving away shoppers and causing large shopping malls throughout the US to collapse
Limited Success?
Mr. Gumbo ended his peroration by pointing out that the only thing the Obama administration has successfully accomplished is in “trashing the former administration and President.” President Obama had barely been sworn in as our 44th President before he had the gall to point out the errors committed by former President George W. Bush and his officers. “That was bad form,” Mr. Gumbo added, “Bad form, indeed.”
